Absolution
by tempusborealis
Summary: God, that discussion in the car was awkward. Audrey must have had some thoughts on Nathan being able to feel. Mid-episode tag to 2x02 "Fear & Loathing".


**Pairing**: Nathan/Audrey  
><strong>Rating<strong>: PG (K+)  
><strong>Disclaimer<strong>: There'd be plenty of things that would be different if I owned _Haven_, despite its near perfection.  
><strong>Spoilers<strong>: Yes, specifically for "Ain't No Sunshine" & "Fear & Loathing".  
><strong>Summary<strong>: God, that discussion in the car was awkward. Audrey must have had some thoughts on Nathan being able to feel. Mid-episode tag to 2x02 "Fear & Loathing". Betaed by the lovely lone_pyramid & gagewhitney.

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><p>Houses and trees slipped by as they sped to find Jackie Clark. Nathan had, thankfully, stopped talking and the Bronco descended into blissful silence. Audrey's eyes tracked mailboxes, snapping to the next one every few seconds as the defensive knot in her stomach slowly eased. The motion was almost hypnotizing.<p>

The thought flashed, sudden and unbidden. Like a bolt of lightning, it darted from the ether to conscious thought with great force. It was gone as soon as it came, but still left her blinking against the jagged trails of truth it had burned into her vision.

She was just a bit jealous.

Not jilted lover jealous, but on a scale from the-person-in-front-of-you-just-bought-Rosemary's-last-cupcake to betrayed-husband-ready-to-pull-a-gun, she was further toward the middle than she'd care to admit.

For the first time in years, Nathan could feel. The change was so apparent, even given his subtle moods. He'd always been sedate, watchful, and just a little bit elegant. Like an old circus tiger pacing his gaily painted wagon cage. His motions were the same thing, over and over within the confines of his town. He'd gone through these actions for so long his movements were perfect – not too little, just enough – and he executed them with practiced ease; one side to the other, gazing steady and baleful through the bars. But when he was still, when only his eyes flickered to track her movements, Audrey could catch a glimpse of the intelligence and dulled magnificence beneath. As much as she wanted to break open the door and let him run, it wasn't within her power. The most she could do was hold those eyes and try to make him understand that she knew he was meant to be a creature of the sun, the plains, the hot dust. And now he, all of a sudden free, sat nobly at her side. An animal with an easy sort of latent power, loyal to her because she'd shown him kindness.

But this meant other people could reach out and touch him, if he would let them. The thought made Audrey grind her teeth, just a little bit.

To further complicate matters, she felt immense joy. His eyes were so alive now, holding the wild, exultant abandon of an animal freed from captivity. He smiled more readily, laughed more easily, and fiddled with _everything_. Of course she sympathized. But when she'd caught him rolling a small hank of her hair between his fingers as he stood behind her left shoulder, it took a large portion of her control not to bark. The closest she could come to pinning down her feelings was a sense of dismay. She was upset that he chose then, after he had regained his sense of feeling, to touch her.

Audrey absolutely understood that he had been hesitant to touch her before, fearful of indicating she had any sort of obligation. It was unnecessary yet welcome – she'd spent most of her childhood unable to make choices for herself. But then, before, it was their thing. She doled out little touches and he sometimes snuck them when he thought she wasn't paying attention. It was far too soon to make any sort of concrete statement, but she supposed they were flirting, just a little. And while she was breathless with elation for him, their dynamic had shifted. It wasn't just them, the outsiders, against the world anymore. He felt more human, acted more human, and connected with these people he'd known all his life in a way she could only envy.

She didn't really know what to make of that look in his eyes as he talked about her kiss (she'd felt the hitch in his breath as he barely avoided stumbling over that word. It made her throat feel thick). Whatever it was, it was for damn sure it toed the line between them. Nathan wasn't just feeling physically. In his stilted, socially maladjusted manner (a language in which she was all too fluent), he was trying to open up to her emotionally. Her chest felt tight, in a good way, at the thought. A breath out became a sigh and she felt his eyes flick to her briefly. The guy sure knew how to pick a time.

Honestly, really, Audrey couldn't be happier for him. Mostly. But as he slipped out of his cage to reenter mainstream humanity, she was left sitting in the open door, swinging her legs over the edge. It wasn't really a place she'd ever quite belonged. The only thing she could do was watch his back and hope he'd turn around, realize she wasn't right behind him like she always was.

Nathan had had a lot of shit luck in his life. She fervently hoped that this gift was some sort of karmic balance for all the good he'd done. But this was Haven, and she knew better. So did he. He wasn't thinking about it yet, but there was a tempered excitement in his eyes when his stubble scraped his fingertips. Excitement moderated by the knowledge his sense could leave just as quickly as it'd come. Audrey wanted this for him – she thought almost nothing she could do would ever bring that much light into his eyes. Yet at the same time she was mentally preparing herself for the inevitable. A tiny jag of smug pleasure went through her and she bit her lip, feeling horribly guilty.

When that time came, as it probably would, she hoped he wouldn't lose that glow. Again, she knew better.


End file.
